Sounds simple, right? But after two decades in the beauty biz, I know how difficult it is to shut out the negative messages coming at us every day.
Think for a moment about beauty “experts” who show us how to fix what they perceive is wrong with a given face. They see and point out the flaws first—expecting us to agree with the criticism— and then give instruction on how to camouflage the “issue.” We can get so caught up in obeying their authority that we start transferring other women’s “problem areas” to our own faces: suddenly we can only see dark undereye circles or thin lips. Before you know it, we feel worse than before.
We can hardly place blame on the beauty industry alone. Often the destructive cycle starts much closer to home.
No matter who you are, chances are people in your past have made negative comments about your appearance. Maybe a childhood bully yelled, “Hey, pizza face.” Or an uncle whispered, “Quite a honker of a schnoz she’s got there.” Or a controlling boyfriend hissed, “Your eyes are so tiny, no wonder you can’t drive straight.”
I’m sure you have your own painful list. Why is it that we remember the insults and forget the compliments? Beats me, but we do—especially when we’re young and forming our ideas about ourselves, and looking to others for guidance. When people close to us try to boost their selfimportance by cutting us down, the wounds go deep.
Again, it’s all about the power of words. We hold on to these negative opinions as truth. A nasty remark said in passing turns into a long-lasting insecurity. Rather than fight the insults, we agree.
What’s worse is that we take over the role of critic and turn up the volume.
I can’t tell you how many women I have worked with who, when I say, “Wow, what beautiful eyes you have,” argue that they are too small. Or if I say, “Check out your terrific complexion,” they’ll point out how big their pores are. I feel like calling the Centers for Disease Control to report an epidemic of facial dysmorphic disorder!
Even if you have been lucky enough to go through life unscathed by negative comments, you may have chosen to generate your own, perhaps as a member of the age-hating party. You may be one of those women who tracks every miniscule change, scrutinizing and agonizing. Every trip to the mirror ends in panicked dread.
It’s ridiculous. It’s also a serious misuse of our feminine power.
By focusing on what’s “wrong” with our looks, we’re—by definition—dwelling on the negative.
When we’re harsh with ourselves, we’re agreeing with those who sought to hurt us. And we’re fueling a damaging cycle that not only dulls our appearance but also darkens our days. Now I ask you, is that how we want to be? Acting as our own worst enemies?
I hear you, feisty ladies. N.O.
So, what do we say yes to instead? Being positively beautiful by celebrating our individuality and enhancing our unique assets.
Every woman has a special bloom all her own. Now is the time to take notice—starting in our own mirrors.
I realize your urge might be to fight me on this. Old habits are tough to break. But has being so tough on yourself brought you the results you want? Clearly not.
Article Source: Get Positively Beautiful The Ultimate Guide to Looking and Feeling Gorgeous by Carmindy
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